Image via ABC (yes, ABC reported this)

I have long thought Cage’s downward spiraling career has been slowly sucking the life out of Hollywood, now it seems that he’s been at it much long than I had expected. One Jack Mord has evidence that Nick Cage, or at least his doppelganger, was alive and sucking during the Civil War.

Mord’s photograph supposedly from 1870 is making the media rounds. I would say that it is just to promote the fact that Mord is selling the “original” on Ebay for a million dollars, but the listing has vanished.

Of course, we know better. Nicolas Cage is clearly not a creature of the night. Vampires, after all, can’t be photographed. He’s the Highlander. There can be only one.