It creeps into your life like a Josh Whedon character death that you never see coming. Boredom. We have all experienced it. I would wager a lot of you have really been bored here lately. Fret not dear readers, I am here to teach you How to Cure your boredom in 5 ways or less. In no particular order.
How to Cure Your boredom step number 1. Watch any item with bids on EBAY as the auction ends.
There are few things more exciting than watching a bidding war. There exist auctions of all kinds, from automobile auctions to movie props. Television shows have capitalized on America’s hunger for auctions for years. Storage Wars is a personal guilty pleasure of mine. Just the early seasons though with Barry Weiss and Dave Hester. When boredom strikes me, I seek out comic book auctions on EBAY. I start watching at the 1 minute remaining mark and watch the bids fly in.
Then I imagine the people who are bidding. There is an art to holding off on the very last moment to click that bid button. I also imagine the pure agony of being outbid at the very last second. Ah, that glorious disappointment tastes as fine as Pie from a stranger’s cup at DragonCon. However only from the outsider’s view. So try this out with any listings that strike your fancy.
How to Cure Your boredom Step 2. Visit your local flea market. *NOTE Please practice social distancing and where a mask.
Sometimes my local flea guy just can’t get his hands on any more fleas for my flea circus. When this happens I have to head to the local flea market and pick some up. Ok, I can hear the groans from here. I’m a Dad so I can make these jokes. All joking aside, your local flea market is a feast for the senses. There are vendors galore selling a plethora of items. In one day I saw the following: A Muppet Babies Lunchbox, A tooth from a Megalodon, a cat made solely from actual cat hair, Michael Jordan’s Baseball Rookie Card, and jar with a label that simply read “Mountain Jelly.”
Wow, right? When you go, sure to bring your appetite too. Just like your state fair (remember those) you can get a smorgasbord of unhealthy treats to slam down your gullet. When in the south, I recommend the boiled peanuts, Cajun style. And last but not least, the flea market is the best place to people watch. I once talked to a man set up at the flea market who was selling “exotic knives.” He claimed that he used to be an actual Carny. His trick was ripping the phone book in half while it was on fire! I purchased a bison bone pocket knife from “The Yellow Page Demon” that day.
How to Cure Your boredom Step 3. Grow new dendrites in your brain.
Websters Dictionary defines dendrites as “a short branched extension of a nerve cell, along which impulses received from other cells at synapses are transmitted to the cell body.” For something so complicated sounding, it’s really simple to do. To grow new dendrites in your brain you simply pretend it is opposite day. If you normally put your left shoe on first, start with your right shoe. Is your trashcan in the far left of your kitchen? Then place it in the opposite corner. Take a bath instead of a shower. Lightly jog to your car instead of walk. Put the jelly on your sandwich BEFORE the peanut butter. I may have lost some of you on that last one there. All of these actions force your brain to grow new dendrites which some scientists believe is great for brain function. As the great Bill Nye says, “Science Rules!”
How to Cure Your boredom Step 4. Play a Board Game.
I know what you are thinking. “Noah, this is the most “normal” step you have suggested.” And that my friends is where you are wrong. It was a bait and switch to get you to keep reading and you fell for it. What I actually meant was, play a board game and lose on purpose. If I were to ask you “Do you play a board game with the intention of winning”, you would most likely say yes. And rightfully so. I too do this most of the time but it gets boring and stressful. You get all tense, sling a swear word at your cousin when he places a hotel on Boardwalk.
This is how literal family feuds start. Instead try losing on purpose. Go wild and try to land on “Go to Jail” every turn. Fill your Scrabble board with 3 letter words. Always close your eyes and try to draw anything on Pictionary. We are all so focused on a need to win all the time that we have forgotten that it’s ok to lose. I use this method every time I play Catan.
How to Cure Your boredom Step 5. Flip through TV channels and try to time it to where people say strange sentences.
If you have read my blog post to this point, first of all wow I’m flattered, then I have saved the most whimsical for last. This one also may be challenging if you don’t have satellite or cable TV. I’m going to pretend it is 2008 and that you do. At any given moment on any given channel there is a character or real person saying something. Well for the most channels anyway. It could be a sportscaster talking about slam dunks. A Horror movie. A late night infomercial with the ShamWow guy before he went to jail. Anything and everything.
Try starting on a channel that you know has someone talking. Then flip to the next channel, mid sentence, then to the next channel and the next to keep the sentence growing. This may take some practice. You can also try going back to the previous channel too. When you time it just right it, the results can be hilarious. “Lebron James has the ball, finds the opening and then what and excellent day for an exorcism; it’ll make you say WOW every time!”
And That’s it! You are no longer bored!
That was just a few of the ways that you can cure your boredom. There are many more ways out there, but none as awesome. I hope you that have enjoyed these thoughts from Out of My Geek Mind. I’ll see you again next week.
As a side note, I know that even with taking precautions, some of you will want to wait to visit public places like the flea market until the pandemic is over. That is a smart move. Going to the Flea Market is especially worth the wait. When you do go however be cautious of a vendor selling “Professor Copperfield’s Magical Legumes.” Don’t make the same mistake I did.